"Back on the track"

I'm keeping my head

Higher than ever,
Cuz` finally
I'm back on the track.
And there is nothing
And no one that could
Bring me down.

I'm stronger than ever
Keeping my goals
Right in front of me
And step by step
I'm going to achieve
All of them.

I guess it's just because

I'm not afraid of failure
Any more.
I've been down there,
I've seen the dark walls,
But now I have
The break-out map.

I know I'm going to fall
On my way up,
But I'm going to rise too.
With every fall
The pain decreases
Till the moment,
There won't be
Any pits to fall into.

"I admit"

I admit
I'm bit afraid
To get burned again
But I just can't
Live like this anymore.
I'd rather risk with my lips
And my heart
Than live another day
With no emotions
And that little stress
Before every meeting
And that shy "hello".

There is no way
Of finding your true love,
If your locking up yourself
And not letting
Yourself to breath faster.

ALWAYS

Sometimes I feel like I'm some kind of a harbor somewhere near the ocean. People are like boats around me. There is only one that never leaves me and that's my family, the others - oh, they just berth for a while. It doesn't take too long for them to go off again. I'm sick of it. It's always so nice to greet the new ones, the ones I've never met or seen, but it's so sad when they decide to take off. Lately it's happening all the time. I don't know if there is some kind of problem, cuz if there is - no one is telling me about it. They just quitly decide to leave. I know it would be wrong for me to tie them, but sometimes I wish I could.
Maybe I should re-color, or re-decorate my harbor. But will that change anything? It will be a delusion only for a while.

People should never use the word "ALWAYS", like "I'll ALWAYS be with you, by your side" cuz they ALWAYS decide to leave you at the moment when you need them the most.

"Alarm clock"

I've been clinging
To the memories
Of you for too long
Not wanting to let to
Though you were
Already out of the door.

I kept our photo
In a golden frame
It was always there
On my shelf.
And that amber bracelet
You bought for me
When we were twelve
Used to wear
Every day and every night.

But last night
Was like an alarm clock
That made me wake up
And see you in a different perspective
An alarm clock
I was fighting to hear.

So I took a box
And filled it
With everything
That reminded me of you.
Too bad memories
Aren't those you can
Put away.

1st September - just a typical Tuesday

For the first time in 13 years - this is the 1st 1st September when I haven't been surrounded by a lot of excited, scared, even bored school mates. This has been just a typical Tuesday, I feel sad for myself. I miss those little 1st graders, my classmates, even the teachers. It will never be the same.
It's weird that you appreciate those little things only when they're gone.

<- This picture was taken last year, when I had my last 1st September. G, I miss them. <3

If your there
Just say my name
And let me know
Your ok.

I am lost
In this place
And there is
No door for escape.
But I'm ready
To bare with this
If I'll know
Your somewhere near.

I feel like I'm blind
Can see only the light
Surrendering above.
I reach out,
But there is nothing
I could hold on to.

I hope this is
Just a dream,
Cuz I feel
The ground opening
Under me.

"In a golden frame"

I decided to take
The old photo of you,
Print it out,
And put in a golden frame,
So that the dust
Could not get near.
In the days
When your not around
It would shine
On my wall,
So that I could feel
Your near.
In the nights
It would lie
Besides my pillow,
Cuz your the only one
Who can keep me safe
When my eyes are closed.
When you'll come back
I'll give it to you
As a proof
That there wasn't
A single day
When I gave up my hopes
To see you again.

/by L. Scott/
26/08/09